Key Skills of a Mentor

Skill #1: Open mindedness

By far, one of the most important skills you need to have is the ability to keep an open mind. We all have our own thoughts, our own value system, and our own prejudices but by being open-minded we are open to other’s ideas, arguments, and thoughts that may not typically align with ours.

In mentoring, mentors ideally make a sincere effort to understand how their mentee feels, the importance of their beliefs and goals, and to empathise. When mentors have an open mind and are showing empathy, mentees will feel understood, important and valued. Be aware of what you’re thinking…and how it’s affecting the relationship. Try and stay in the ‘not knowing’.

If we treat a man as he is we make him less than he is if we treat a man as though he already were what he potentially could be, we make him what he should be

Goethe

Skill #2: Connect through listening

The ability to create a positive sense of connection to the mentee is fundamental to the relationship and therefore pivotal to the role. One of the most direct ways you can connect with others is through listening.

The art of listening is generally misunderstood and underrated as a skill. Good listeners obtain a better understanding of people and situations. They also make a contribution to the speaker they are focused on. The person speaking benefits by being encouraged to share their thoughts and ideas and is viewed as someone who has valid opinions.

People love to be listened to! A good mentor will have an ability to listen that often goes beyond the point at which most people are actually able to listen. As a result of their listening, a mentor is able to pass beyond what is actually said and begin to notice what is ‘unsaid’.

This is where you are focused on what your mentee is saying, you are fully engaged with the other person and you reinforce what the person is saying by offering nonverbal cues, such as eye contact. Showing someone that you’re listening is a valuable skill in itself. It shows that you value what the person is saying and that you won’t interrupt them. This requires patience, and a willingness to delay judgment.

When you listen effectively you are able to:

• Gain a clearer sense of what a person is saying
• Connect with people personally
• Build rapport and relationships quickly
• Help people communicate more clearly
• Display greater empathy

Ultimately, the effectiveness of your listening relates to what is important in the conversation, in mentoring it’s important:

• to maintain an effective focus for the conversation e.g. what’s relevant and important
• to enable someone to feel listened to and be able to discuss topics openly
• to gain an effective understanding of both your mentee and their situation.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”

Stephen Covey

Skill #3: Curious questioning for growth and development of the mentee

The best mentors ask questions that make the mentee do the thinking.

Great mentors know what kind of question they are about to ask. They follow the context of the conversation and choose wisely the type of question for the situation and place in the conversation.

A well-timed, perfectly worded question can remove barriers; unlock hidden information and surface potentially life-changing insights. To be a great mentor you need to be able to ask great questions. A great question has the following characteristics:

• it’s simple
• it has purpose
• it will be influencing without being controlling

‘The mind that holds the problem also holds the solution – often the best one’

Nancy Kline

Skill #4: Have the right mindset

The mindset of the mentor is important to effectively mentor, mentors need to have:

• a natural desire to help others to grow and develop to become the best they can be
• a belief that everyone is equal and can generate ideas and take responsibility
• a motivation for developing people and letting them take control of their actions
• a desire to encourage others to think and act for themselves
• a willingness to help someone by listening to them, challenging their thinking and encouraging action
• a sustained commitment to someone’s true potential and goals even when their own self-belief falters

A mentor encourages a strength-based mindset – this is when a person sees themselves at their best, sees the value they bring, by just being them. Then moving that value forward to capitalise on their strengths rather than focusing on negative characteristics.

Mentoring focuses on positive and healthy outcomes like self-confidence and connectedness.

The mentor is to be able to help their mentee build on their strengths, specifically seeing them as resourceful and resilient when they are in adverse conditions.

Skill #5: Being motivated by seeing others grow and succeed

The skill here is to help another person grow and succeed and gain a sense of satisfaction from doing that. Mentors push their mentees to achieve their goals and stretch themselves, in large part because they genuinely believe their mentee has the potential to succeed. Mentors are dedicated to their mentee’s success, instead of just encouraging it, they are committed to actively helping mentees hit milestones that bring them closer to their goals, as well as providing feedback on what can be improved as the mentee reaches for the next, upcoming milestone.

However, growth and ‘success’ is less something the mentor can make happen by targeted effort and more something they develop a positive intention towards. As a mentor you can’t make someone learn and grow but you can help facilitate the process, provide the tools, feedback and support to enable the mentee to achieve their goals. Mentoring is a collaboration, what the mentee chooses to do, learn or ignore is beyond your control and not your responsibility. The skill is to remain impartial to potential outcomes, that doesn’t mean you are not interested or don’t care, merely that you will retain a balanced view. If you accept that empowering someone else is more valuable than fixing things for them, then this principle is logical and acceptable to you.

Mentoring requires us to let go of our egos.  

Mentors must be able to remain interested in what the mentee does but not invested in it.

Skill #6: Building rapport and positive relationships

It is important to take time to establish rapport and an open, compatible working style with your mentee. This is achieved by non-threatening small talk, careful listening and observation of their style, confidence, whether they like to dominate the conversation, whether they like to pause for thought, whether they need to draw or doodle to get to a point, whether they are reserved or outgoing.

Ask them how they would like to work and what setting will be most comfortable for them. Creating natural, positive situation and surroundings is important before starting. Explain that frankness and openness will be needed if a genuine difference is to be made.

You need to build a position of positive influence in your relationship with your mentee.

Skill #7: Constructive feedback with positive intention and impact

Effective feedback can accelerate a mentee’s learning, inspire them, motivate them, help them feel valued and literally catapult them into action. So, it’s important that a mentor learns to deliver feedback that is:

• given with positive intention
• based on fact or behaviour
• constructive and beneficial

The mentor should offer feedback only in the genuine belief that it would benefit the mentee, such as:

• it has positive impact on their learning
• it offers information on perspectives
• it encourages or motivates the mentee
• it confirms or compares views and opinions
• it prompts insights or ideas

Skill #8: Deeper reflection and self-awareness

You ask a tough question, you hear an honest answer, and now what? This is where reflection and self-awareness come in. It’s easy to want to move away from the challenging conversations and onto easier subjects. But the most successful mentoring relationship won’t allow for this. Instead, mentors and mentees will take time to reflect on what’s been discussed. This is important because when we’re discussing difficult issues, we can often slip into defence mode in the heat of the moment. Taking time to reflect, however, can help us avoid knee-jerk reactions and, instead, help us grow.

More information….

If you would like to know more about developing mentor skills or delivering mentoring programmes in your organisation, please get in touch. More information is available at: www.fptrainingltd.co.uk or email me at: fiona.porter@fptrainingltd.co.uk or call me on: (+44) 07711 967649