Spit It Out
“Just spit it out.”
That was my response when my daughter came to me and said, “Mum, can I just ask you something?”
“Yes,” I replied. And then… nothing. For the next five or ten minutes she danced around the subject, skirting the edges, dropping hints, but never quite saying what she needed to say.
Eventually, I told her: “Spit it out.”
And then I laughed—because I realised I do exactly the same thing.
How many times have I walked into a meeting and slipped into that same passive language?
- “Just a minute.”
- “I won’t take long.”
- “I just wanted to run something past you, if that’s okay.”
All those little caveats, all those apologies, handing the other person the chance to shut me down before I’ve even made my point. Sometimes I’ve even left those conversations thinking, “Why didn’t I just say what I came to say?”
The truth is, it’s not always easy. Assertiveness can feel uncomfortable. But it can be practiced.
Here are a few strategies I’ve been using (and sharing with my daughter):
- Be clear about what I want to say. Before the meeting, I think: What’s my main point? What’s the outcome I’m hoping for?
- Catch the passive language. Phrases like “Sorry to bother you,” or “Do you mind if…” dilute the message. Instead, I try: “I’ve got an idea I’d like to share with you.”
- Ask directly. Say what I came to say—and then ask, “What do you think?”
- Write it down. If I’m nervous, writing out the key points and even rehearsing them makes it easier to stay focused.
I still catch myself slipping in the softeners—“Oh, it’s nothing really”—but I’m working on it. And when I notice my daughter circling around her question, I remind her the same way I remind myself:
Stop beating around the bush.
Spit it out.
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